INTRODUCTION

The work of the Office of Nomenclature Stabilization can be said to have started in the period 1949-1951, although its full organization in its present form—the voluminous files, the worldwide network of correspondents-only came later.

In one of those years John Train, then studying for a Master’s degree at Harvard in Comparative Literature, noticed in Collier’s magazine a Mr. Katz Meow, of Hoquiam, Washington. He mentioned it shortly afterward to Professor Howard Mumford Jones, who replied that during World War II he’d had a secretary named Miss Pensive Cocke. Soon after, Train reported this to a graduate school colleague who observed that while in uniform he had processed the Army discharge of a soldier named Welcome Baby Darling (now of Greenwich, Connecticut). Train, bemused, wrote all this down in the back of his notebook.

   A little later in H.L. Mencken was discovered Positive Wasserman Jackson, and in Winston-Salem, N.C. Bunyan Snipes Wombleand his son Cadwallader Wellington Womble.

  Later sources provided Miss Caresse Pecor (University of Vermont, 1971) as well as Doctor Ovary, a gynecologist at New York Hospital . . . and, of course, Madame Ovary.

   In any event. Train felt a scholarly obligation to open a proper dossier to record the particulars of these discoveries, which seemed to have relevance to his then field of Comp. Lit.

   The problem was to assure accuracy. In general, a documented source is required. One can scarcely go through life without appearing in print somewhere, at the least in a telephone directory, and with enough time a written authentication can usually be unearthed.

   In the early 50’s, Train moved to Paris. He was part of the group that founded this Review, of which he was for many years Managing Editor, while continuing his work in nomenclature.

   The roster grew, as did the network of reliable correspondents. Some of the most valuable have been Joseph Fox, of Random House; Robert Myrhum, of CBS; Candida Donadio; Charles Harding, Chairman Smith, Barney & Company; and S.J. Perelman, of The New Yorker.

   (Additional submissions are warmly welcomed, by the way; always, however, with the fullest available documentation.)

   In time, a formal organization of the work became inevitable, and the Office of Nomenclature Stabilization took shape, crystallizing into its present form.

   Eventually those concerned with the O.N.S. became convinced that the results should be made available to a wider circle.

   The reason is readily explained.

   A dull name often means a dull child, and in an age of mass-men America scarcely needs more nonentities called “Chick” or “Buddy.”

   No; the times call, instead, for new generations of pioneers and founders, men of strong characters . . . strong names.

   Could Napoleon Bonaparte have torn down and rebuilt a continent if born Alfonse Petit? Could Winston Spencer Churchill have roused the English-speaking world as Ed Brown? Never. Gen. Ulysses Grant! What panache! Had his parents copped out with “Tim” or “Chuck” the Union must have been sundered. There would be no bicentennial.

   The Office has therefore sought in recent years to extend encouragement and example to parents tempted to settle for some lifeless damper of a name, leading to a weak and soggy younger generation born already on one knee, so to speak, before a power-greedy bureaucracy.

   Alas, no commercial publisher, no foundation has come forward— perhaps because the spiritus rector is a mere “John” instead of a “Pontius,” “Vercingetorix,” or even “Lionel.”

   Rather than wait indefinitely for a commercial or university publisher who may never appear, the O.N.S. has now consented to publish the accompanying fragments in The Paris Review, with which it enjoys so many ties of sentiment and history.

—THE EDITORS

INDEX

If Your FAMILY NAME is:          See PAGE:

Ackley                                          131
Apostle                                         129
Aroni                                             134
Badcock                                        137
Bagge                                           131
Bagger                                          128
Balls                                             136
Banana                                         128
Banfill                                            133
Bang                                             133
Baretits                                         131
Bath                                              135
Belcher                                         128
Bellows                                         138
Biggerdick                                     137
Bonaparte                                      139
Bonebreak                                     130
Bonecutter                                     130
Boonjug                                         138
Bottlewalla                                     138
Bridge                                            127
Broccoli                                         127
Buggage                                        132
Bumpus                                         131
Buns                                              136
Butcher                                           130
Butt                                                136
Calnooky                                         131
Carver                                             130
Casanova                                        138
Cherry                                             127
Chuckass                                        127
Church                                            129
Clapsaddle                                      129
Clutch                                             136
Clutter                                             132
Cock                                               129
Cocke                                          123,137
Cockshut                                         137
Crapp                                              133
Crapper                                           130
Creep                                              132
Cumming                                         130
Cuntley                                            128
Cutter                                              130
Dampier                                           140
Darling                                         123,140
Derryberry                                        133
Digger                                              132
Ditty                                                133
Dobbs                                              128
Dater                                               130
Doctor                                              130
Doktor                                             130
Ernle-Erle.Drax                                 129
Fangboncr                                        133
Fast                                                133
Fauzpasadet                                    131
Finger                                              131
Finkelstein                                       127
Folts                                                130
Foufas                                             137
Frilli                                                 133
Fuchs                                              139
Fuk                                                  139
Fundcrburk                                       139
Futch                                               133
Garrison                                           135
Gazola                                             140
Glasscock                                        137
Goo                                                  137
Goodykoontz                                    129
Gooing                                             130
Greenblatt                                        138
Grcwcock                                         137
Griesedieek                                      137
Guppy                                              135
Hardcock                                          137
Hcc                                                  139
Hell                                                  136
Hooton                                             135
deHorsey                                          132
Hyman                                              131
IcenoggIc                                          136
Integration                                         138
Jackson                                   123,137,139
Jacobs                                             133
deJesus                                            129
Jew                                                  134
Katz                                                 129
Katzincllenbogen                               132
Kisscm                                             131
Klinkenbcrg                                       127
Klucmper                                          134
Koch                                                 137
Kunt                                                  135
Leek                                                  137
Ley                                                   133
Lightly                                               139
Lillycrap                                             133
Longbouom                                        134
Love                                                  128
Macaroni                                            129
Macaulay                                           127
Marsh                                                136
May                                                   135
McAdoo                                             139
McClung                                            138
Meow                                             123,134
Minor                                                 134
Moron                                                127
Nimrod                                               138
Nudelman                                           138
Organ                                                 140
Outhouse                                            137
Ovary                                             123, 139
Packard                                              132
Paine                                                  130
Pang                                                   130
Passwater                                           133
Payne                                                 130
Pea                                                     134
Peabody                                              137
Peace                                                  140
Peckeroff                                             131
Pecor                                             123, 128
Pinskcr                                               140
Plummer                                             137
Porrich                                                140
Prick                                                   129
Przybysz                                             127
Pugh                                                   132
Rcctanus                                             135
Restrepo-de Restrepo                           128
Roscncrantz                                        127
Schumuk                                             130
Senior                                                 133
September                                           133
Shivers                                                133
Shovel                                                 129
Sidcbottom                                          134
Silver                                                   133
Sipp                                                    132
Smith                                                  140
Snort                                                   136
Snowball                                              132
Stone                                                  138
Strangeways                                        139
Strong                                                 140
Stubbs                                                129
Supcna                                                138
Taionc                                                 130
Tappcn                                                140
Teabaggy                                            135
Teat                                                    136
Team                                                  136
Tetley-Jones                                        139
Thumb                                                 131
Thwing                                                139
Tolemachc-Tolcmache                          134
Trcbilcock                                            137
Uren                                                    133
Vereneseneckockkrockoff                      131
Voictsberger                                         135
Vroom                                                 140
Wack                                                  128
Wallop                                                 135
Werberserch-Piffel                                 132
Whynot                                                139
Willfahrt                                                133
Wollcock                                              137
Womblc                                           123,128
Wren                                                   133
Zappa                                                  130

A. A.A. d’ Artagnan Umslopagaas Dynamite Macaulay 
(The New York Times)

A. Moron, Commissioner of Education 
Virgin Islands

Antigone Rosencrantz

Aphrodite Chuckass

A. Przybysz* 
Detroit

Ave Maria Klinkenberg 
Yonkers, New York

Private Baby Cherry
U.S. Army (225th Quartermaster Battalion)

Bambina Broccoli 
New York

Bathsheba Finkelstein 
High School of Music & Art (Class of 1957)

B. Brooklyn Bridge 
Boston

*Changed his name in 1940—to. C. Przybysz.

Mrs. Belcher Wack Wack*

Beverley Cuntley

Buncha Love* * 
(Newsweek)

Bunyan Snipes Womble 
              and
Cadwallader Wellington Womble
Winston-Salem

Rev. Canaan Banana 
African National Council, Rhodesia

Carborundum Petroleum Dobbs, Mayor 
Willmette, Illinois

Caresse Pecor 
University of Vermont (Class of 1971)

Carlos Restrepo Restrepo Restrepo de Restrepo
Medillin, Colombia

Carpett Bagger 
Princeton

* Miss Belcher married Mr. Wack and then married his brother.

* * Compare Felicity Pratt Love, New York.

C. Brumitt Goodykoontz

Rev. Christian Church * 
Florence, Italy

Cigar Stubbs 
Bureau of Vital Statistics, Florida

Clytymnestra Katz

Col. Clarence Clapsaddle
U.S. Army (West Point Class of 1940)

 

Sir Cloudsley Shovel, Admiral * * 
Royal Navy

Mr. Cock married Miss Prick 
(London Times)

Concepcion de Jesus 
New York

Concerto Macaroni

* Compare Christ Apostle, New York City.

* * Ran the fleet on the rocks (Scilly Isles) in 1707, drowning 2,000 men. He himself made it ashore, only to be done in by a peasant woman who apparently did not like the look of him. His gallant colleague Admiral The Hon. Sir Reginald Aylmer Ranfurley Plunket Ernle-Erle-Drax participated in the Battle jutland.

Crapper, Limited, Toilets*
London

Cumming & Gooing 
Louisiana 
(The New Yorker)

D. Schumuk, Political Activist* * 
Ukraine 
(Reuters)

Daphne Readers Digest Taione 
Tonga 
(Reader’s Digest Association)

DeFred Goo Folts, Director of Placement 
Harvard Graduate School of Business Administration


Doctor Doctor* * * 
(American Medical Directory)

Dweezle 
       and 
Moon Unit Zappa 
(Time)

* Sir Thomas Crapper’s biography is aptly titled Flushed With Pride.

* ’ A loser. Served 7 years in jail (prewar) for communism. Then (postwar) served 20 years and (starting 1972) 10 additional years plus 5 years exile, all for anti-communism.

* * *There were, by recent count, 13 doctors Doctor, Docter, or Doktor in the U.S., 5 doctors Bonebreak, 1 Bonecutter, 18 Butchers, several Cutters and Carvers, 184 Nines or Paynes, and 11 Pangs.

E. Flack Ackley 
New York

Fanny Bumpus, Wife of Tom Thumb*

Fanny Kissem, Authoress* *

Farkas Calnooky 
New Hampshire

Fauxpas-Bidet, Commissaire de Police* * * 
Surete Nationale, Paris

F.G. Vereneseneckockkrockoff* * * * 
San Francisco

Baroness Gaby von Bagge of Boo
(The New York Times)

George Baretits 
U.S. Army

* Enjoyed the specialized distinction of being fought over by two midgets.

* * Compare Fanny Hyman, Washington, D.C.; Hyman Peckeroff, Taxi Driver, New York; and Fanny Finger, New York; also Mrs. Regina Finger.

* * *The Surete’s ace on Russian intrigues, Fauxpas-Bidet hit the tabloids in the 1930’s when he investigated the abduction of Gen. Kutylpov, a White Russian leader in Paris. The General was seized in the street by OGPU agents and apparently, wrapped up like merchandise, was carried on board a Soviet ship, the Spartak, which immediately put out to sea.

* * * * Defendant in a celebrated murder trial in 1897. See Personalities of Language (Gollancz, London, 1967).

Gisella Werberserch-Piffel, Actress* 
Hollywood 
(Reader’s Digest)

Glycerine Sipp 
New Orleans

Goody P. Creep, Undertaker* *

Hadassah Kat zinellenbogen 
New Hampshire

Halloween Buggage
New Orleans

Horacine Clutch Pelham, New York

(Miss) Horsey de Horsey
Intimate friend of Lord Cardigan

Hudson Ford Packard

Hugh Pugh, Landscape Architect 
London

*Perennial victim of prewar Hollywood joker, who liked to Telephone from poolside to ask if she was the Gisella Werberserk Piffei they had met in (e.g.) Monte Carlo the previous summer; on t riving a,,urance to the contrary they would pronouce grandly, “Ah! Then that must have been another Gisella Werberserch-Piffel!” Compare Josette Legg Snowball, Actress (D’Oyly Carte Company).

* *Compare Groaner Digger, Undertaker, Houston, Texas

Humperdink Fangboner, Lumber Dealer 
                  and 
Fanny Fangboner, Nurse 
Sandusky, Ohio*

I.C. Shivers, Iceman
John Hancock Life Insurance Company

I.O. Silver

I.P. Frilli, Master Mechanic* 
Florence, Italy

John Senior, junior 
New York

Joy Bang, Actress* * * 
New York

July August September
(Today’s Health)

*Sandusky, like some towns in Florida, seems to breed families who feel better having odd names. Other citizens in the area include Ovid Futch, Kitty Ditty, and (from the Sandusky Register) E. Kickapoo Banfill, Lecturer. Larry Derryberry has become the State’s Attorney General.

* *Compare P.P. Fast, Florida; E.C. Crapp, Washington, D.C.; and Gladstone P. Lillycrap, U.S. Attorney. A Mr. Uren changed his name to Wren (1897)—quite understandably. Sharon Willfahrt, Toilet Jacobs and Tom Passwater were students at the Art Instruction School, Minneapolis.

* * *Compare Mrs. Friendly Ley of Mission Hills, California, whose career of amiability was ended when Mr. Ley’s revolver, which he was cleaning in the kitchen, went off.

Katz Meow 
Hoquiam, Washington

Kwock K. Jew 
New York

Lavender Sidebottom, Masseuse * 
Elizabeth Arden, New York

Linus Kluemper* * 
Jasper, Indiana

Luscious Pea 
New Orleans

Lyulph Ydwallo Odin Nestor Egbert Lyonel Toedmag Hugh Erchen-
  wync Saxon Esa Cromwell Orma Nevill Dysart Plantagenet Tolemache-Tolemache 
Burke’s Peerage, Pre-War (Baronetcy of Tolmache)

Mac Aroni 
Bureau of Vital Statistics, Florida

Major Minor 
U.S. Army

*N.b.: Epitaph on Mr. Long bottom, who died young: Arse longa, vita brevis.

* *Attained celebrity in August, 1955 when a fan in his bedroom window backed 5 feet toward him and chopped off the big toe of his right foot.

Manon Lescaut Voictsberger 
Massachusetts

Marmaduke Wallop 
London

Mary Maloof Teabaggy 
Boston

Melissa Dalcini Caldony Yankee Pankee Devil-Take-The-Irishman 
   Garrison 
Tryon City, North Carolina

Moo May, Boo May, Goo May 
        and 
Little Miss May 
New Orleans

Mustafa Kunt, Turkish Military Attaché* 
Moscow

Newton Hooton 
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Nicholas Guppy 
The Pond, Haddenham, Cambridgeshire

Nita Bath

*Occasion of much ribald cable traffic, along with his vis-a-vis, Major R. Rectanus, U.S. Assistant Military Attache, Moscow.

Noble Butt* 
Boston

Noble Teat * * 
Still Pond, Maryland

Norman Icenoggle 
(Associated Press)

Ogbert Snort

0. Hell, Contractor 
Alto Adige, Italy

Onesiphorus, Epaphroditus, 
and 
(Archbishop) Narcissus Marsh 
(The New York Times)

Mrs. Opal Balls

Opel Buns

M. Oral Clutter

*Compare Violet Butt, Washington, D.C.

**Compare Faithful Teate, Dublin (“who wrote a quaint poem on the Trinity”—Encyclopaedia Britannica).

Osborn Outhouse
Boston

Dr. Ovary, Gynecologist 
New York Hospital

Miss Pensive Cocke, Secretary* 
U.S. Army Air Corps

Phoebe B. Beebe Peabody 
Dedham, Massachusetts

Plato Foufas, Real Estate 
Chicago

Plummer & Leek, Plumbers 
Sheringham, Norfolk 
(London Times)

Positive Wasserman Jackson
(H.L. Mencken)

Primose Goo
Hawaii

*Compare Mrs. Seeman Glasscock; J. Badcock, Editor, London; D. Grew-cock, Stockbroker, New York; and the Griesedieck family, Milwaukee. Respectful note must also be taken of the good Cornish family of Trebil-cock and concerned awareness bestowed on Prof. O.J. Cockshut. W.J. Uglow Wollcock appears in Boyle’s Court Guide for 1915. The Koch Erecting Company is a major supplier to New York City. Cinderella Hardcock and Douglas Biggerdick were students at the Art Instruction School, Minneapolis.

Rapid Integration 
(Newsweek)

Ronald Supena, Lawyer

Rosetta Stone
New York

Salome Casanova 
Havana

Santiago Nudelman, Publisher 
Brazil

Sexious Boonjug

Siddhartha Greenblatt
(Harper’s Magazine)

Silence Bellows, Editor
(Christian Science Monitor)

Sinbad Nimrod

Sistine Madonna McClung

Sodawater Bottlewalla 
Bombay, India 
(The New York Times)

Strangeways Pigg Strangeways, Cricket Star 
London

Supply Clapp Thwing Harvard 
Class of 1837

Mrs. Tackaberry McAdoo 
New York

Tetley Ironsides Tetley-Jones, Chairman 
Tetley Tea Company

T. Hee, Cartoonist 
New York

Tonsillitis, Meningitis, Appendicitis, Laryngitis, and Peritonitis 
Jackson
(Time)

Trailing Arbutus Lightly

U. Fuk*
Istanbul

Mrs. V.D. Whynot

Mr. Venus Bonaparte 
(London Times)

Verbal Funderburk
Lakeland, Florida

*Compare Motel Fuchs, Rio de Janeiro.

Virginia May Sweatt Strong 
Memphis, Tennessee

Violet Organ, Art Historian

Mr. Vroom, Motorcycle Dealer 
Port Elizabeth, South Africa 
(The New York Times)

Warren Peace * 
Franklin K. Lane High School, New York

Sir W.C. Dampier-Whetham 
Upwater Lodge, Cambridge

Welcome Baby Darling 
Greenwich, Connecticut

William McKinley Louisiana Leveebust Smith 
(H.L. Mencken)

Wyre & Tappen, Private Investigators* * 
New York City

Yale Harvard Pinsker 
Harvard University

Zoda Viola Klontz Gazola

*Compare Peese Porrich.

* *The Office of Nomenclature Stabilization has a photograph of this establishment, dating from the 1960s.